I haven’t been sleeping well the last couple weeks. Couple hours here and there. Finally last night, I got a solid sleep. I actually remember dreaming. And a very interesting dream it was. I always heard that dreams reflect where you are in life. I have never been able to make that association before until last night. Usually, I’ll wake up and say “Wow, that was interesting. I wonder what that meant.”
Well, this morning I woke up and said, “Wow, that was interesting. What a clear analogy to were I am right now.”
My dream was about elevators. BIG elevators. I was on some sort of large campus trying to find a particular location. The only way to get around the campus was by elevators. Get on the right elevator and you’d get to your destination. Like a big convention center, high-rise office building, or airport, several different elevators would meet at a central location or hallway. The doors would open and you could choose which elevator to enter. The problem was that not all the elevator cars went to the same place. The campus was a maze of elevators you could ride. The elevator cars were huge! Hundreds of people could fit in each car.
In my dream, I was new to this campus and didn’t understand the elevator system, like someone for the first time trying to ride the BART in San Francisco or METRO in DC. I kept getting onto the elevator cars and getting dropped off at a location that I didn’t want to be. I found myself running to get into the next car before the door closed, hoping that I didn’t have to wait for long if I didn’t make it. Other times, I got on a car that was going up when I really wanted wanted to go down. You know that scenario, you get tired of waiting so you jump on the car going up, knowing eventually it would go down and you can get off at your destination.
At times I was on cars full of other folks who knew where they were going. The passengers moved on and off the elevators at each floor, shoving and rearranging themselves as they moved about. Other times, I was alone, or nearly so, riding a huge empty elevator car headed for my next destination.
I woke up thinking, “Wow…what a maze…what a dream. Holy Cow!…what an analogy of my life.” So I had to tell you about this.
I am at a serious cross road. I have been many people, wore many hats. The student, the wildlife biologist, the teacher, the quilter, the web designer, the technical editor, and so on..a gyspy, of careers. I have tried my hand at a lot of different things. I never had the fortitude to know my destiny. I’ve been searching for it for a long time. Walking through doors that I thought would lead me in the right direction, but finding later that I had to find another door, because I was in the wrong place.
Right now I am traveling on the next road, the Artist. I have to make decisions about hanging onto some of my hats. Some I have to toss into the wind to make time for the next adventure. Some I’m not sure why I still hang on to them, but I’m not ready to let go. Others, I need to decide soon whether its worth walking away. Its difficult to walk away when you’ve put so much energy into things.
The elevator dream is the analogy of my life. The confusion of the elevator cars is what I feel when I step from one journey to the next and wonder if it will take me to the place I belong. Sometimes I’m alone and sometimes I’m crowded with other travelers. Regarding my destiny, there’s no way of knowing until I get there. And so life goes…